


Random Writings and Ravings

by moobitch750



Category: Random writing - Fandom
Genre: Other, This is all sad, Vent Writing, pet death, probably, sorry - Freeform, uhhhh this is just me venting, unproper grammar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-17 01:40:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28841031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moobitch750/pseuds/moobitch750
Summary: Sorry.I just needed a place to dump random writing bits.Warnings'll be before ever chapter.





	Random Writings and Ravings

**Author's Note:**

> I'm only posting this because I won't be able to bear it if this is seen by no one.
> 
> CW: Animal death, illness, hunger, dehydration, apologies, religion mention, crying mention, and injections/shots mention
> 
> Yeah this isn't fun. This isn't fanfic, btw. It's just me writing random things. Maybe some of it'll be fandom related later on, but not this chapter.
> 
> Also this is unedited. And I'm not really a writer so sorry.

Gingersnap.

I’m sorry it had to end this way. No one predicted that this illness would take you. At first, It was a minor thing. Something that could be solved with medicine. At first, it was a two-week shot then a checkup. Then it was liquid medication that we gave you with a syringe. Then it became more serious. We found out that you had chronic kidney disease. The vet said it might have even been genetic. We have watched you, for these past months that you’ve had it, slowly deteriorate. You were constantly dehydrated, and you had no control over your bladder. You stopped eating. You started scratching, opening shallow scabs on the right side of your jaw and your right shoulder blade. I remember what we had been trying to do the couple of weeks before the first vet trip of many. We had been trying to switch your foods, as you seemed to have a preference to one brand over the other. We had noticed, then, that you seemed to be losing weight. The first time I remember you were weighed, you were seven pounds. After that, we gave you wet food and dry food, prescription, and designed to stimulate appetite. It worked for awhile. You steadily gained weight, and after a bit of struggle with your bladder, you managed to get a hold of training pads and more litter boxes spread around the house. Everything was fine, for a while. Then we brought you to another vet visit, as you seemed to stop eating suddenly and had lost what looked to be a little bit of weight. You were weighed, and you measured 5 pounds. The vet told us that it was time to consider what came next. The dinner table was quiet for the first couple of minutes. I don’t remember what was said, but I remember getting angry and leaving the table with you to go to our room. After that, we took you to get fluids from the vet two times a week. It seemed to be working, you had been growing stronger and had been eating more dry food. You stopped touching the wet food. Then, everything started to go downhill. A couple days after Christmas, my mom caught covid. She’s a nurse, so it was bound to happen eventually. We quarantined for two weeks. I started virtual school. During those two weeks, you were unable to get fluids. My dad and I watched as your health fell. You stopped eating as much. Stopped drinking as much. You became noticeably lighter. By the time we came out of quarantine, I think it was too late. We had gotten you a filter bowl with trickling water, in hopes you would drink more, and in turn, eat more, but it was futile. You had started drinking from the bowl, with a lot of coaxing from me, but after a couple days, you stopped eating and drinking. You were a skeleton of a cat, and I could feel your vertebrae as I ran my hand down your spine. Your face had felt hollow when I pet you, and I can see the fur over your ribs jutting out when you lay down. Your fur doesn’t sit flat anymore. Your hip bones show a little as well. You can no longer walk, instead you waddle. The day I write this, you no longer waddle. You crawl. As I write this, you had just come from your first vet appointment in two weeks. You don’t have long left to live. You lie down for long periods of time. For a while, the only movement I can see from you are twitching and breathing. Which, as my thoughts so unpleasantly remind me constantly, could stop at any moment. I want to be there and consol you when it, inevitably, does. You can’t really lift your head constantly.

You used to wriggle in my hold. Now you slouch against me.  
You used to lift your head when I talked to you, now you don’t even twitch your ears.  
You used to walk around my room at night, sniffing everything and looking out the window. Now you lay down and don’t move until I do. Even then, you still don’t get up. I carry you where I go and set you down on soft surfaces.  
You used to sniff at new food, eat it too. Now you don’t do either. You don’t even budge.  
You used to shift into comfortable positions often, so much that I predicted them in stages. Now, you just lay on your side, in whatever position requires the least amount of energy.

I remember when we used to play fetch. Even my dogs, who you never got along with, don’t know how to play fetch. But you did. And I didn’t even teach you. I would throw hair scrunchies, pom pom balls, anything small and soft, and you’d run after it and bring it back to play with again.

I remember your meows as you pawed at the bathroom door, so someone would let you in so you could drink from the bathroom sink.

I remember how you would always follow me wherever I went. How you would always want to keep an eye on those in my family.

I remember how you won my fathers heart, a man who had never liked cats, quickly. You had him under your thumb. You’d sit on his stomach and he’d speak to you and call you nicknames, such as “TLT” (tired little tiger), or ‘mountain lion.”

I remember how you blended into our wood flooring, your orange and white tabby coat mixing with the patterns on the wood.

I remember the lady in the car next to us, who seemed to be a little sad, who lit up and started waving at you immediately when she saw you in the car.

I remember you chewing on the baby-proof padding we have in our house.

I remember you chewing on my bags, my shoelaces, and any caps or pencils you could find.

I remember you chasing around spiders, gnats, flies, and any other insect that dare enter your domain.

I remember you sunning yourself in the middle of a path.

I remember you jumping on counters, tables, and other furniture so we could pet you without bending down.

I remember you waiting outside of doors for me whenever I left for a little while.

I remember you and I watching youtube videos together.

I remember you being fascinated with birds and the printer.

I remember you flopping over anytime anyone rubbed you down.

I remember you sitting on all of my school work when I needed it.

I remember you walking over my keyboard and drinking from my cups.

I remember you getting stuck inside cabinets and closets.

I remember you kneading everything in sight, and clawing at our furniture and carpets, even though you have a scratching post.

I remember trimming your nails, and you disliking me for it for a solid thirty minutes.

I remember you wrestling with my hand, leaving small claw marks.

I remember you play biting me, but never breaking skin or leaving any sorts of bruises.

I remember blowing air into your ears and watching them twitch. I remember bumping noses with you as well.

I remember you attempting to groom me constantly.

I remember you jumping into every bag and box that you can get a hold of.

I remember slow-blinking at you. And you slow-blinking back. And I remember being overjoyed.

I remember your purr, and how it would appear full force everytime you relaxed in someone's lap.

I remember you letting me curl around you on a particularly bad day and vent to you. Even if you didn’t understand a word I said, you were there. I remember crying into your fur, and you relaxing into me. I remember you sleeping next to my chest the whole night.

I remember how we would play games together for hours. You would curl up on my lap and I’d keep my arms around you as I played games, either solo or with friends.

I’m sorry it has to end this way. The vets said you're in no pain. But I know you’re exhausted. I hope that the site we choose for you is ok. And I hope it’s alright if your fur is a little damp when you go. I hope it’s ok if I can’t speak about you for a while. I hope it’s ok if I can’t tell my friends that you’re gone right away. I hope that, whatever comes after, if there’s anything at all, is everything that you wanted. I hope it’s peaceful, and I hope that you find happiness wherever you go.

I love you. Always and forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for this.
> 
> This is actually happening in my life atm.
> 
> I had an urge to get it all out, and this is the only way I can think of atm.
> 
> Once again, sorry for this.


End file.
